1. Jerk who sprays water on girls at Sturgis Motorcycle
Rally wet-T-shirt contests.
2. Retired PE Coach Mixed Martial Arts Fighter (Or Retired Real Estate Agent, Retired Registered Nurse, Retired Lawyer, etc.)
3. TV Testimonial Actor who swears snake oil pills cured his Diabetes 2, healed his Emphysema, lengthened his penis by 5 inches, gave him 20/20 vision again after only 3 weeks*.
4. TV commercial announcer for local Destruction Derby and Monster Truck Show in a one horse town where proceeds will go to rebuilding a new senior citizen custom car shop, where elderly men can lower, rake, louvre junkyard cars at cost. (Previous shop burned down when an old gomer mishandled welding equipment.)
5. Amateur High School Reunion Planner
6. Bouncer, senior citizen dances.
7. Elderly man who walks around country club driving range, offering unwanted pointers
8. Saleslady, Bullocks girdle counter.
9. Applause starter, bars where guys in 60s bands play again
10. Women to write “You’re BEAUTIFUL!” next to every new photo published by 50s or 60s girlfriends, on Facebook.
11. Star in Facebook MASTERCLASS video on how to take better photos of food itself during brunch, lunch or dinner with girlfriends at the Olive Garden, the Cannery, El Cholo, Las Brisas (Laguna) or Chinese place at strip mall near freeway.
12. Breast Enlargement Email Gossip Consultant (“NO WAY is that Melanie without work done” .. “Confirmed: Pamela needs a Wheelbarrel!” .. “WHOA, Mary Jo!”)
* - Must be willing to lie blatantly.